Halie Keith 5/20
1/14/2016
(313)410-9959
Outsider Experience
Unusually short sentences.
This is essay style with you
recounting a story as opposed to HER speaking and YOU simply putting it on
paper as the reporter
Please see
syllabus @ naming this attachment – reviewed during class #1
Please see
syllabus @ assignment line spacing: attribution & coding -
reviewed during class #1
Unfortunately – we hear @ her
being hurt but never learn when or how [THE DETAILS] of her feeling like an outsider . . . so we have not
fulfilled our mission. TIGHTLY edit your next writings with an eye on the
format in the syllabus | REPORTING what your source did/said | and clear
concise wording.
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your
words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get
to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a
source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the
source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying
adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER
WORLD.
YOUR VOICE – HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly
to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay
style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in
conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information
Ashourina is Assyrian. [who is she?]
When she was growing up,
she never looked at herself
as being different from anyone
else.
1.
Absolutes are rarely supportable
2.
Internal inconsistency: In
the next sentence you will tell us that she
like an outsider after 9/11 in FIRST GRADE – which qualifies for “when
growing up”
She knew that she spoke a
different language, and did some other things differently, but nothing else
stood out to her.
[You don’t
want to abruptly jump into outsider w/o lead-up / context]
She says that she would eventually be made to feel like an outsider
and that one
of the first times she says that she felt like an outsider was after 9/11 when she was in the first grade.
She went to ________________
[name] school in ______[city] with a students who were
_____________________[culture]
After 9/11 some of her friends from school stopped talking to her,
because their parents wouldn’t let them because _______________________[complete the thought].
Which _____________ [<insert
a specific] made
Ashourina feel badly she says, it made her feel so bad that she started “acting American”. “Acting American”
in Ashourina’s words means
that She says she stopped speaking
Assyrian in public, and at home and she stopped classifying herself as an Assyrian-American, and instead only as an American. She says, she was ignoring her
own culture because of the way people at school were treating her.
It got so bad that even her friend’s
parents were ignoring her parents, which would make ash feel even worse about her situation.
Even at such a young age, the
way her peers were treating her at school HOW??? WE NEED DETAILS TO FEEL IT TOO! influenced the way that she acted, at home or anywhere [< an absolute] else.
It just goes to show that the
way you’re treated based on your race gender or culture can really affect you
not only at that time, but for the rest of your life.
After a while Ashourina started
to become more aware of how her culture made her different from others, and now
she is no longer ashamed to admit the she is Assyrian.
Halie Keith
3134109959
Diverse & Alike
1/20/2016
SAVE the attachment using YOUR NAME – See syllabus 0
/ 20
You simply cannot earn points in a 4000 level journalism course without
a command of the quotation mark and accompanying punctuation. That’s why we
back up and review 2100. See WWW.
Take a look at the sample
writings on Blackboard for ideas on elevating this from a stake-o-quotes and
fleshing it out into a story that tells about WSU, the goal of the course,
others in the course and examples of her observations . . .
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGARISM Not your
words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get
to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a
source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the
source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying
adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER
WORLD.
YOUR VOICE – HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly
to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay
style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in
conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information
Alaina Davis is a senior at Wayne State, studying
Broadcast Journalism. [?]
“I feel alike in
our class because there are a lot of females that are in our major,” Davis said. <these are fatal flaws – the lack of quotation marks and
punctuation . . .
Most
of the broadcasters that you see on tv or hear on the radio are males and I like how our generation
is going to change that in the future, Davis
said.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
Davis
said that the fact that our
generation has many women going into the broadcast journalism field makes her
very happy, and excited for her future.
There
are also a lot of African American women in this class, which makes me feel
alike in that way, Davis said.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
I
feel diverse because there is a huge age range in the class, we have older
people as well as younger people in the class, but the age doesn’t stop any of
us, ___ year old Davis
said .
I
personally don’t feel awkward about being older or younger than some of our
classmates Davis said.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
Davis
said that she feels that having a wide range of ages in a class makes for
good conversation, and you can also learn a lot from other people in your class
that have been through different things than you have been through. Any examples ???
I
also feel diverse from other people that are my age in class because I have a
full time job at Best Buy, and a part time job at Bath and Body Works.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
I
also go to school full time, usually I take between 12 and 15 credits a
semester.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
I
feel like other people my age still live with their parents, maybe they’re in
school or have a job but I feel like they aren’t as stressed, I don’t know
their situation but I feel like I can tell the difference Davis said.
<these are fatal flaws
– the lack of quotation marks and punctuation . . .
Halie Keith 70 / 100
(313)410-9959
Multi-Sourced Article
2/2/16
PLEASE REVIEW SYLLABUS
1.
The
formatting requirement detailed in the syllabus is a tool for you to separate
each sentence and indicate the attribution – showing you where you have none –
which costs you points.
2.
Double
space lines – triple space sentences. Never break up quotes.
3.
Properly
name this attachment
~ ERROR KEY CODE ~
PLAGIARISM Not your
words
GRAMMAR / AP STYLE / FACT ERROR
WIND-UP / DOING TOO MUCH Says who?
You are posing hypotheticals/trying to make/get
to/talk around
a point w/o stating opinion, when a quote from a
source would do!
UNATTRIBUTED FACT / OPINION / POINT OF VIEW =
ASK YOURSELF: SAYS WHO? HOW DO I KNOW THAT?
You state a fact that is not common knowledge.
Your wording expresses or adopts a point of view.
Your wording shows agreement/disagreement with the
source.
You employ creative writing style and/or modifying
adjectives.
You include your HOPES & DREAMS FOR A BETTER
WORLD.
YOUR VOICE – HIGHLIGHTING YOU Says who?
You are narrating the action OR speaking directly
to the reader.
Your facts/ thoughts/analysis/conclusions = essay
style.
MIND READING WWW pg. 187 & 329
How do you know what your source thinks? Believes?
AWKWARD PHRASING
Stiff or confusing wording you would never use in
conversation
Vague / Unclear / Confusing / Wordy
Confusing / Wordy
ORGANIZATION
Problem with ordering of information
See
WWW on Leads to Avoid
According to the Center for Disease control
and prevention,
75% of new
mothers in the
United States
breastfeed their new
born children, and the number is only continuing to grow.
ABC news recently
published an article stating, “Breast-feeding
in public is not outlawed in any state; however, 42 states have laws that
specifically protect a woman's right to breast-feed in public. Still, moms across the country are being
asked to stop nourishing in public places. Some Texas mothers demonstrated
outside of a mall where a security guard demanded a mom cover herself while
nursing her 4-month-old baby. Other similar peaceful protests have been called "nurse-ins."”
The Huffington
Post reported, “More than 100 moms gathered at an Anthropologie in
California to protest after a woman was escorted from the sales floor of the
store for breastfeeding her baby.
Wiese Hesson said she called the store after leaving and spoke with the manager about what
had happened.
"I thought you and the other
customers would be more comfortable off the sales floor," the employee said,
adding: "[W]e
must be fair to all the customers, not just moms."”
↓These 3 incidents – and the stating of the issue that folo - would
have made a powerful lede for your article . . .
Lactation matters reported,
“Charlotte Dirkes was asked to stop, cover up, or go somewhere else when she
breastfed her 10-month old at a water park in Englewood, Colorado.Tiffany Morgan was asked to stop breastfeeding her 6-month old, cover up, or leave Denny’s in Sedalia, Missouri. says who?
Dawn Hollan was asked to finish breastfeeding her 20-month old son in the bathroom of Applebee’s in Georgia. Says who?
Mybaby.org stated, “Convenience is a definite benefit if you breastfeed your baby. The mother who chooses to breastfeed will never find herself caught up short, having left the house without bottles or cereal. DON’T BREAK UP A QUOTE “Have baby will travel”, is the motto of most breastfeeding mothers. However, mothers who breastfeed, face a dilemma. Is it appropriate to feed your baby in public? Mommies who breastfeed have one of two choices. Either they stay home until the baby eats solid foods, or they choose to nurse their babies in not so private places.”
Live Science stated, “Health professionals consider a mother's milk to be the ideal nourishment for her baby. It is more easily digested than formula, resulting in fewer bouts of diarrhea or constipation. Human milk also contains immunological protection against colds, sore throats, strep throat, gastrointestinal diseases and ear infections. This happens because babies receive antibodies passed onto them from their mother's milk that help boost their immune system and protect them from getting sick. ”
Amanda D. Watson and Corinne L. Mason, authors of “Power of the first hour” stated, “In 2012, the NGO Save the Children launched its No Child Born to Die campaign with the tagline, “Breastfeeding Saves Lives.”
The press release explains that in
the first hours and days after a baby is born, their mother produces colostrum,
a substance known to improve immunity, which must be delivered to infants in
the first sixty minutes of life; this is referred to as “the power of the first hour.”
Invoking a sense of urgency and a crisis of infant mortality, which
breastfeeding is positioned to resolve, the campaign cites staggering medical
statistics of infant deaths in the campaign targets of Africa, Asia and Latin
America, and also Northern Indigenous and Inuit reserves in Canada.
More than misrepresenting racialized women in the developed world as uneducated
on infant health, childcare and child rearing and as lacking agency and
empowerment, the campaign mobilizes the erroneous conflation of medical
science, morality, capitalism and public health – a linkage typically mobilized
by the development industry to the detriment of globally marginalized women.”
Emily Maclean, of the Guardian has a different view on the topic of breastfeeding vs. formula, Maclean made it clear for
some breastfeeding is the best option, and for others bottle feeding is the
best option.
Maclean stated, “There are times when formula may
actually be safer. Up to 20% of infants born to HIV-positive women will
contract the virus through breastmilk if suckled to the age of two without
treatment. Where sterile water and bottles are available, "safe replacement
feeding" is
recommended.”
While neither stance is wrong nor right, it is ultimately
up to the mother whether or not she wants to breastfeed, and that also means if
she would want to breastfeed in public.
REVISION OF MULTI-SOURCED ARTICLE
Halie Keith
(313)410-9959
Multi-Sourced
Article
2/2/16
According to the Center
for Disease control and prevention, 75 percent of new mothers in the United
States breastfeed their newborn children, and the number is only continuing to
grow.
ABC news published an
article stating, “Breast-feeding
in public is not outlawed in any state; however, 42 states have laws that
specifically protect a woman's right to breast-feed in public.
Still, moms across the country are being asked to stop nourishing in public
places.
Some Texas mothers demonstrated outside of a mall where a security guard
demanded a mom cover herself while nursing her 4-month-old baby.
Other similar peaceful protests have been called nurse-ins.”
The Huffington Post reported,
“More than 100 moms gathered at an Anthropologie in California to protest after
a woman was escorted from the sales floor of the store for breastfeeding her
baby.
Wiese
Hesson said she called the store after leaving and spoke with the manager about
what had happened.
"I thought you and the other
customers would be more comfortable off the sales floor," the employee
said, adding: "We must be fair to all the customers, not just
moms."”
Lactation matters reported, “Charlotte Dirkes was
asked to stop, cover up, or go somewhere else when she breastfed her 10-month
old at a water park in Englewood, Colorado.
Tiffany Morgan was asked to stop breastfeeding her
6-month old, cover up, or leave Denny’s in Sedalia, Missouri.
Dawn Hollan was asked to finish breastfeeding her
20-month old son in the bathroom of Applebee’s in Georgia.
Mybaby.org stated, “Convenience is a definite
benefit if you breastfeed your baby. The mother who chooses to breastfeed will never find
herself caught up short, having left the house without bottles or cereal.
“Have baby will travel”, is the motto of most breastfeeding mothers. However,
mothers who breastfeed, face a dilemma. Is it appropriate to feed your baby in
public? Mommies who breastfeed have one of two choices. Either they stay home
until the baby eats solid foods, or they choose to nurse their babies in not so
private places.”
Live Science stated, “Health professionals consider a mother's milk to
be the ideal nourishment for her baby.
It is more easily digested than formula,
resulting in fewer bouts of diarrhea or constipation.
Human
milk also contains immunological protection against colds, sore throats, strep
throat, gastrointestinal diseases and ear infections.
This happens because babies receive antibodies
passed onto them from their mother's milk that help boost their immune system
and protect them from getting sick.
Amanda D. Watson and
Corinne L. Mason, authors of Power of the first hour stated, “In 2012, the NGO Save the Children launched its No Child
Born to Die campaign with the tagline, Breastfeeding Saves Lives.”
The press release explains that in
the first hours and days after a baby is born, their mother produces colostrum,
a substance known to improve immunity, which must be delivered to infants in
the first sixty minutes of life; this is referred to as the power of the first
hour.”
Invoking a sense of urgency and a crisis of infant mortality, which
breastfeeding is positioned to resolve, the campaign cites staggering medical
statistics of infant deaths in the campaign targets of Africa, Asia and Latin
America, and also Northern Indigenous and Inuit reserves in Canada.
More than misrepresenting racialized women in the developed world as
uneducated on infant health, childcare and child rearing and as lacking agency
and empowerment, the campaign mobilizes the erroneous conflation of medical
science, morality, capitalism and public health – a linkage typically mobilized
by the development industry to the detriment of globally marginalized women.”
Emily Maclean, of the Guardian has a different view on the topic of
breastfeeding vs. formula, Maclean made it clear for some breastfeeding is the
best option, and for others bottle feeding is the best option.
Maclean stated, “There are times when formula may
actually be safer.
Up to percent of
infants born to HIV-positive women will contract the virus through breast milk
if suckled to the age of two without treatment.
Where sterile water and
bottles are available, safe replacement feeding s recommended.”
